A recap on pregnancy + the journey of becoming a family of 3.
Finding out I was pregnant was one of the scariest, most wonderful things I have experienced in all my 24 years. After trying for a few months with negative tests (and past information from specialists that said getting pregnant might be harder for us) I was apprehensive about the journey we were about to go on. To say this pregnancy was a sigh of relief would be an understatement.
Dillon and I knew that we wanted to start a family pretty soon after the wedding. We have known each other since high school and feel like we have been married for years. Deciding to be parents before we turned 25 was a big step, (but at least we'll only be 40 when he starts driving hollaaaa).
"I remember telling Dillon he was going to be a dad like it was yesterday. I knew how much this meant to him. Not just because he was going to be a father, but he genuinely thought he may be the reason children wouldn't be possible for us. I'm glad we were wrong."
I am beyond blessed to be able to experience this journey with my body and my little boy. I have found a new love for my body. I truly have never felt more confident in the way I look than I do right now, stretch marks and all. I am amazed at what we as women can do. We are creating life, making eyeballs and tiny toes!
The first few months of pregnancy for me were honestly a breeze. Aside from the exhaustion, I never had morning sickness (I know, I'm lucky). My skin was glowing, my hair started growing, AND the acne on my face cleared right up (it relocated to my back and chest but at least it wasn't on my face anymore). All the signs of my pregnancy pointed to the old wives tales of having a boy and they were right!! We found out we were having a little boy on September 8th, 2019!
My husband says that I have been nicer during pregnancy than I normally am (I guess his plan is to keep me pregnant year-round). I'd say it's because we're having a boy and his hormones are leveling me out!
Once we entered the second trimester, I started to get my energy back. I was anxious for him to be here already (I seriously ordered his crib two weeks after I found out I was pregnant so if that doesn't tell you I was ready for him to be here I don't know what does).
Towards the end of the second trimester, the nerves started to set in. I started to get nervous every time we talked about maternity leave, daycare, and him being here in general. Up until this point in my pregnancy, I didn't cry at all. I wasn't overly emotional, I didn't worry about the future, I was just having fun being pregnant.
Then it hit me. I won't be able to be with him all the time during the first year. I have to go back to work. We have to pay for daycare. I have to FIND a daycare I trust. I have to be okay with the fact that a lot of his "firsts" will be witnessed while I'm working. I need a new job that doesn't require me to work on the weekends so we can at least have family time together. How soon would I get that said new job after I leave my current one? I lost it. In the middle of a bubble bath, I absolutely lost my marbles with the stress of it all.
My husband, being the sweetest man I know, runs in to ask me what's wrong. He reassured me that everything would be okay (and I knew it would but I had 25+ weeks of built up crying coming out of me). He sat there with me as I cried it out. We talked through our plan, what made sense as far as daycare and possibilities of a new job, everything. He knew how to make me feel better, our little man is so lucky to have him as a daddy.
SO, I came to terms with the fact that people do this everyday; work to provide for their children. Moms are super heroes whether they stay at home or work, so I have nothing to worry about. I just have to tell myself that it won't be like this forever.
Coasting through the 3rd and final trimester has proven to be difficult. I have started to swell, my wedding ring doesn't fit, shoes don't fit, and I can't see anything past this belly.
As someone who likes to plan pretty much everything, being on his terms as far as his arrival is freaking me out. Will I be at work? The grocery store? At home? Who knows!? Will he be early? On time? Late? (if that boy is late we are going to have to instill the importance of being on time in the future).
In the meantime, I have been trying to distract myself with reading up on sleep training, example schedules, and just the basics of being a parent to a newborn. I've also been nesting like crazy (and so has Dillon). We decided that every inch of the house needs to be reorganized. I also decided that the baby needs the fireplace redone, so I demoed that on my day off and now we have a beautiful stone fireplace.
Now, at almost 40 weeks writing this, I am ready. The constant need to go to the bathroom is back. It wouldn't be so bad if getting up didn't take a full 2 minutes. Sleeping is almost nonexistent. We have been stuck at 1cm dilation for 3 weeks, despite doing all of the natural ways to induce labor. I have honestly felt a bit discouraged, I just want him here.
We made our final appointment for the Monday that I turn 41 weeks. Hopefully we will have a baby before then. If not, we will be scheduled to be induced (my Dr. doesn't let us go past 41 weeks). If I'm honest, I have had a feeling that he would be late. He's already proving to be stubborn like his mama.
So here's to the waiting, the back pain, and the difficulty breathing. I am so close, but it still feels so far away. We are SO ready for you little one. I can't wait to look down at your face and very likely see a clone of your father. Please look like me a little bit okay?
Love, Mama.
* huge shoutout to our photographer Cydnee Jex with cljphoto. I originally found her to take newborn pictures but after seeing her work with maternity pictures, I knew I had to do them! There's something so special about capturing your body in it's most beautiful form.